Being content and happy

The year 2020, was life-changing for me. Here is the summary, in a sentence - I moved to another country for the first time ever, in a global pandemic.

And the stories of that year are many... Maybe for another day.

But let's focus on disappointments and how they shape us. Moving to another country is no joke, and the disappointments when it comes to making friends, getting jobs and finding new experiences,  during the pandemic have not been fun.

What I realized I have become besides all the amazing things, is one ugly thing - I have started to grovel and get disappointed.

I have this nice conversation and have this unrealistically high expectation, that they will choose me, but then the call never comes.

Somewhere deep down, even though I shake it off as normal, the rejection hurts.  I am talking about job interviews (BTW).Well today was one of the most wonderful days I had in this new country, an unspoken wish coming true. 

I got to travel to a new corner of this wonderful city, in a bus service that was free for my birthday month.

I got to see CSU campus, travel in the local - train service, and enjoy a hearty meal with the only person who has ever believed in me here, without even trying.

Thank you for the meal Paul, and thanks also for showing me the sights, and being my companion for your office shopping. Sorry I talk a lot, because I am always so nervous, that I will say something wrong.

The thing is you're so kind to me, and you gave me this really happy experience, for once I want to see beyond my own anxieties and handle it graciously.

Not see everything as a way of money exchange, but recognize it for something bigger, that my life  is more than the struggle for this absolutely essential thing called money and getting my way.

I want to live better, I will still have my economic trouble. But I want to be more refined, not in the way that I buy things or live, that is all fine, but maybe stop with the puppy eyes, and rest the groveling, I want to go out of my way to find the job that I came here for, but I want to do it being mindful that my rejections are my redirections and I want to be glad of all the chances I am getting. I also want to recognize and be more of the person I want to become, through these rejections.

I want to cherish today for what it was, and make it the starting of a new and better me. Pictures here to display :https://photos.app.goo.gl/fP6hinZVoW9Ku4AA6


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